The Pot To Watch

Our sense of self-worth determines our attitudes and our capacity for achievement. But we may have trouble expressing our own self-worth in words or in learning how others feel about themselves.

Noted author and psychotherapist, Virginia Satir, developed an easy down-to-earth and surprisingly workable way to talk about self-worth.

She grew up in Wisconsin. On her back porch was a huge round black iron pot that stood on three legs. It was used almost daily.

Her mother made her own soap, so for part of the year the pot was filled with soap. When threshing crews came through in the summer, the pot was filled with stew. At other times, her father used the pot to store “stuff” for her mother's flower beds.

The family came to call it the “3-S pot.” Anyone who wanted to use the pot faced two questions: What is the pot full of, and how full is it?

Long afterwards, when Satir became a therapist, and people told her their feelings, some saying they felt full, empty, dirty, or even “cracked” she thought of that pot.

She helped families communicate by asking them to picture everyone having an “inner pot” containing their feelings. Doing so gave them a way to express feelings that they wouldn't otherwise talk about.

A father might say, “My pot is full today,” and the rest of the family knew he felt on top of things, full of energy and good spirits.

Or a son might say, “I feel low pot.” This told everyone he felt he didn't matter, or he felt tired or bored or bruised, not particularly lovable.

A wife who hesitated to tell husband that she felt inadequate, depressed or worthless would say frankly, “Please don't bother me now, my pot is dragging!”

The down-to-earth word “pot” made it easier for people to talk about their self-worth or self-esteem. Satir defines self-worth as the ability to love one's self and treat oneself with dignity and confidence.

If we appreciate our own self-worth, we're ready to see and appreciate the worth of others. Both kinds of appreciation are essential if we expect to find success and happiness in life. As Satir puts it, “The crucial factor in what happens both inside people and between people is one's self-worth, one's pot.”

At every moment, everyone has a feeling of self-worth, and it colors whatever they see and do. As with Satir's old family pot, the question you need to ask is: “What's in my self-worth pot now? What's in yours?”