Building Better Relationships

I had lunch with a good friend of mine recently and he informed that after 16 years he and his wife were getting a divorce. I had known both of them the whole time they were married. They always seemed happy and had three wonderful children. I never had any idea that they had marital problems.

My friend quit his job seven years ago to start a business of his own. He has worked very hard and made his business very successful. His wife has good position at a large bank and she has worked very hard to move up the corporate ladder to where she is.

The point I'm trying to make today is that these two people worked hard to build successful careers and businesses. They were both very loving and dedicated parents but they forgot the most important thing; the age old advice about having to "work" at making your marriage successful.

You can't sit back and expect your spouse to please you, nor can you simply do what your partner wants and expect satisfaction. The strongest and happiest relationships are those in which two independent people draw strength from each other and contribute to and benefit from the relationship in-equal measure.

Here are some things you can do to build a better relationship with your spouse:

* You must respect and accept yourself. You are entitled to receive the same consideration from your spouse that you give, but be sure you are not expecting to get from him or her what you should be giving yourself. You must have a high level of self-esteem if you want your spouse to respect you.

* Build up your spouse's self-esteem with simple complements Take the time every day to point out something your spouse does or says that is really good and that you appreciate.

* Make time to talk every evening. No matter how busy and hectic your day has been or how tired you are, take 30 minutes before you go to sleep to talk with your spouse about how each others day has been.

* Be specific about what you want. When you need something from your spouse, discuss that one issue. Be specific about your need. Focus on the issues, not on the emotions.

* Speak up when something is bothering you, talk about it instead of becoming silent and withdrawn. Get the matter out into the open and hear both sides of the issue. Unless you tell your mate what is bothering you, you will never be able to solve the problem.

* When you don't like something your spouse does always tell him or her, but do it in a positive way. Suggest an alternative that is acceptable to both. For example, if you don't like the way your spouse is dressed, tell him or her how attractive he or she is in the type of clothing you like.

* Avoid the "It's really nothing" syndrome. you set yourself up to be taken for granted by pretending your efforts are not important. For example if you have done work in the yard or cleaned the house, point it out and make it known that you like to have your efforts recognized and appreciated.

* Don't wait to have your efforts noticed. People today, including your spouse are absorbed with their own concerns. You have to tell them or show them what you have done.

Because of the strenuous demands today relationships are more difficult to keep together than ever before, but they are worth it. When you and your spouse work together to keep your relationship strong and happy you're building a strong and prosperous future that is much harder to build alone.